


Fake It

by sokisshimagain



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, And Harry loves Louis, Bottom Louis, Break Up, Death, Heartbroken Harry, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Liam and Niall are only mentioned sorry, Louis is pining, M/M, Marriage, Nick really loves Louis, Older Harry, Sad, Sad Louis, Sex but not, Tomlinshaw - Freeform, Triggers, Younger Louis, Zayn makes me sad, heartbroken louis, larry - Freeform, louis loves harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-22
Updated: 2015-06-22
Packaged: 2018-04-05 14:36:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4183554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sokisshimagain/pseuds/sokisshimagain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Louis, will you marry me?"</p>
<p>Louis closed his eyes. When he did he could almost pretend that it was Harry in front of him, his voice speaking the words which Louis had dreamed of so many times, so he nodded. "Yes."</p>
<p>And he had to open his eyes then, he saw the face of Nick. So familiar, so beautiful, but it wasn't who he wanted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fake It

**Author's Note:**

> It's a bit repetitive at first, but that's because I wanted to give a bit more detail by focusing specifically on Louis then Harry, but it's not like that through the whole thing. Sorry if you don't like that??? Idk.
> 
> Leave me your thoughts!
> 
> Twitter: @sokisshimagain

"Louis."

"Harry?" Louis responded sleepily, opening his eyes to see his lover propped up on his elbow and looking down at him. He sat himself up beside the man, his eyes never leaving him.

Harry's beauty struck Louis then and for a moment all he could do was stare. Louis had never thought anyone was perfect before, he hadn't thought perfection was a possibility, but now he saw that he had been wrong.

Perfection was the man before him. The lanky figure, the chocolate hair, the smooth, pale skin and the deep green eyes, he was flawless in every way.

Louis had been searching for something completely different when he found Harry, but there was something about the man that was completely irresistible and Louis thanked the angels every day that this was whom he ended up with.

"We need to talk." Harry told him quietly, interrupting Louis's adoring thoughts.

Though most would have instantly been terrified by those words, Louis wasn't. They rarely had problems between each other and when they did, they worked through it.

Besides, a talk could be about anything.

When he spoke though, even if the words didn't terrify him, he couldn't keep the concern from his voice. "What is it, love?"

It was rare for Louis to call him by those sorts of names; it always embarrassed Louis to be saying them. He adored when Harry called him things like that, but that was an entirely different situation.

While other times Harry would break into wide grins, or kiss Louis when he called him by such things, it only seemed to make Harry grow grim this time.

"I think we should take a break."

Louis froze. That was something that terrified him.

"A break?" Louis hated to admit that his voice gave away everything. It was clear how sad, desperate, hurt, and just broken that he felt.

"Things haven't been working lately. You know that. I shouldn't say break, we just need to break-up." Harry said quietly.

Louis frowned. That was even worse than a break. "Funny how you tell me this after what happened last night." He knew his tone was pure bitterness, but he couldn't control it.

"One more night together. I thought it would be a fitting farewell." Harry defended.

Louis looked away, moving from his seated position on the bed to gather his clothes and redress.

When he was done, he knew he should go but for some reason he didn't. Instead, he just stood at the end of Harry's bed, eyes locked on his lithe form.

Harry didn't seem to know what to do. Louis was just as confused.

"You should go." Harry finally said tersely. Louis flinched. It hurt. Harry wanted him to leave. He'd never thought that would happen, or even be a possibility. "I'll be out all day tomorrow. You can get your stuff then."

"Okay," Louis responded quietly, having nothing else to say.

He turned to leave, like Harry wanted. Louis would always give Harry what he wanted.

"Louis?"

Some part of him hoped he was about to have Harry beg him to stay, tell him he changed his mind, but a larger part of him knew that wasn't about to happen. That didn't stop the disappointment that filled him when Harry spoke again then.

"Don't forget to leave your key here tomorrow."

"I love you," Louis said firmly, willing Harry to realize how much he truly meant those words. He hoped Harry would never forget, because he never would.

Even if Harry no longer loved him, Louis would always remember the times when he did, because that was most important.

Louis left.

* * *

 

Harry woke to a tickling sensation against his nose. His eyes opened slowly and he blinked a few times as things came into focus. He was home, in his bedroom, that much was clear, but he wasn't alone. It was a normal occurrence for his beloved cat to take up residence in his bed and wake him when the tiny cat deemed it time to be fed, but that wasn't the case. Curled up against him was a beautiful boy with brown hair, blue eyes, and tan skin; in a word, perfection.

Harry had been with his fair share of people, if he were honest he likely wouldn't even be able to remember them all, either way, none had ever or would ever compare to Louis Tomlinson.

He could remember their evening together, just before they'd fallen asleep. It had been simple, but intimate and exactly what they both needed. Though neither liked to admit it there had been more problems than usual in their relationship. He had never been a morning person, but he couldn't remember a time he had dreaded waking more than he did now.

As if on cue, Louis shifted in his sleep, showing signs of waking and Harry knew now. It was time.

"Louis," he began, voice firm and louder than what would be his usual tone. If he didn't do it now, he knew he never would.

"Harry?" Louis's voice was sleepy and raspy, somehow adorable. Harry was struck then more than ever with the urge to wrap the beautiful boy in his arms. He ignored that though.

"We need to talk." Harry was being such a cliché and he knew it, but for some reason he felt that a cliché would have more of an effect with the gullible boy before him. Louis had always been insecure in Harry's love for him, at times it had even come between them, but for the time, Harry saw it for what it was; a blessing that would only make things easier for himself.

_But it will destroy Louis._ The thought came from the more rational part of his mind, the selfless place and he knew it was right, but he couldn't acknowledge that. He was already into it.

"What is it, love?" Louis asked, his concern clearly showing. Harry couldn't keep his eyes from Louis's own bright blue ones. They were shining with his concern and love. There was a deep pain that began in Harry's chest.

"I think we should take a break."

"A break?" Louis's voice had come out weakly. Harry knew exactly all the terrible things he was causing him to feel and he regretted it more than he had ever regretted anything in his life, but he didn't change it. Instead, he worsened it.

"Things haven't been working lately. You know that. I shouldn't say break, we just need to break up." Harry himself had been quiet with his words; he felt a weakness in his body, like he was shutting down. He tried not to let it show, but everything was gradually becoming too much. He could hardly speak, could hardly breathe.

"Funny how you tell me this after what happened last night." Louis was bitter. Harry understood why.

"One more night together. I thought it would be a fitting farewell." Harry knew his response changed nothing. It wasn't even the truth. He had let the night happen because he was selfish. He loved him.

Louis didn't respond to him, but he wasn't surprised by that.

"You should go." It hurt Harry to even say it. The look that crossed Louis's face made it so much worse. He didn't even imagine that something could be that bad. "I'll be out all day tomorrow. You can get your stuff then."

"Okay," Louis answered him, turning to leave. Harry shook with the effort it took not to beg Louis to stay.

"Louis?" Harry began, unable to even say for sure what he was about to say. It could have been anything from  _I love you_ to  _ne_ _ver come back_. "Don't forget to leave your key here tomorrow." That was what he should say, but not what he wanted to.

"I love you," Louis's voice was firm; there was no hint of hesitation. Harry didn't want Louis to ever stop loving him, but some part of him wished he would. At least then the perfect boy wouldn't need to feel the pain he currently was.

It was only a whisper, but Harry still said it. " _I love you too_."

Louis was gone then. Harry didn't think he heard his final words, he hoped he didn't.

* * *

 

"I was wondering if I could take you on a date this Saturday?" Nick's voice was so adorably nervous, so unsure, and Louis had to appreciate it, but it was nothing like what he wanted.

Nothing like when Harry had first asked him on a date. Harry - as always - had been confident, self-assured and though he acknowledged the idea of a rejection, he'd been ready to change Louis's mind if it happened.

None of that was present with Nick. But Louis accepted anyway because what else could he really do? It'd already been nine months of pining for Harry, eventually, he had to move on. Or at least fake that he did.

* * *

 

"Louis is going on a date with someone this Saturday," Zayn said, his voice almost hesitant. Harry's eyes shot to him and he ached to question him, who it was, where they were going, he craved to know everything, but knew if he did that it would only get back to Louis.

"So?" He questioned blankly, as if he truly didn't care.

"I just thought you might want to know."

"It's been nine months; I'm surprised he didn't move on before now." Harry explained, though he knew that wasn't true. He hadn't expected Louis to move on so fast, or at all. Some part of Harry had selfishly just expected Louis to stay in love with him forever, never moving on, never moving forward.

"You haven't been with anyone since him," Zayn shot back, a suspicious look coming to his face, as if he didn't buy the act Harry was trying to pass off. Harry chose not to answer Zayn. He was stubborn; there was no winning against him, especially when you didn't know if you truly wanted him to be wrong.

Zayn knew exactly how both Harry and Louis felt, even if he didn't make his awareness obvious. They both pined for each other but were too stubborn to do anything about it. Louis had never told him exactly why the two broke up, nor did Harry, that didn't stop him from speculating though.

He hoped they would be back together one day. It just didn't seem right to have them apart.

* * *

 

"Louis, I know we haven't been seeing each other long, but I was hoping to make things official because I can see this really going somewhere. Will you be my boyfriend?"

It was only their fifth date. Louis hadn't been expecting it.

Even though he and Harry hadn't become official until their seventh date, neither had been seeing anyone else even before that. They had been crazy about each other right from the beginning. Louis still couldn't say what had caused things to change.

"I'd like that," Louis told Nick. It was a lie. A complete and utter lie.

Nick didn't know though. All he saw was a dedication in Louis's eyes, he saw it as dedication to them as a couple, he didn't realize it was Louis's dedication to keep faking that he was moving on from Harry.

* * *

 

"You remember how Louis went on that date?"

"Yes," Harry sighed, his eyes resting on Zayn with a clearly unimpressed look. "What about it?" Zayn gave him his own look, as if daring him to object to what he wanted to say.

"It went well. He's been dating the guy for a while now." Zayn told him, no longer having the hesitance to speak of his best friend or his life. Although he knew both still held feelings for the other, he had accepted their split and was now playing his part as the supporting friend to both Louis and Harry.

From time to time he worried about holding such close relationships with each of them, but they never seemed to be bothered by it, so he didn't dwell.

"Good for him." Harry said, though he definitely didn't mean it.

"I think he really likes him."

Harry felt an ache begin in his chest once he heard that. It was one thing to know Louis was dating someone; it was another thing to hear from Louis's best friend that Louis wasn't simply dating someone, but seemed to be serious about him.

Louis was meant to be his. That was how things were supposed to be; if Harry hadn't of messed that up of course. He no longer deserved Louis and he would never be able to have him again.

* * *

 

"I love you, Louis William Tomlinson." Nick told him, his whole being radiating with love, as if to emphasize his words.

Louis could remember the first time Harry had told him that. It was so similar yet so different. He could pretend though, because he had to.

"I love you too." He wasn't saying it to Nick. He was saying it to Harry.

Nick never sensed anything off though. All he could see was a peaceful expression on Louis's face; all he could hear were passionate words.

Louis was Nick's bliss.

Harry was Louis's.

* * *

 

"Louis, make love with me."

Louis let a small smile grace his features. Nick was under the impression Louis was an innocent virgin. It was far from the truth. Harry had taken away every ounce of innocence Louis had.

He'd never corrected Nick on his thinking though. It kept him from needing to fall into bed with the other.

There was no more avoiding it though, he knew.

And so he faked it.

His eyes remained closed. With every pant and moan, he was imagining Harry above him. There was no Nick in that world; there was only a blissful reunion between him and Harry

Not once did he say a name. He feared that if he spoke, it wouldn't be Nick's name that tumbled from his lips, but the one he was thinking of.

And what a terrible thing that would be.

* * *

 

"Will you move in with me?" Nick's voice was hesitantly hopeful.

Harry had never formally asked Louis to move in. It just sort of happened. He almost preferred it that way. It seemed simpler, and more natural. Everything had been so natural with Harry.

His relationship with Nick was forced.

Sometimes Louis wondered if Nick had any clue what went through Louis's mind at times like these, but he would quickly dismiss that. There was no way.

Nick was giving himself whole-heartedly to the relationship. He didn't suspect anything.

"Yes." It was simple, but that was all Louis could come up with.

* * *

 

Louis could feel Nick's arms around, he could feel the man's body heat against his back and it was a feeling so familiar, a position he was used to, but then all at once he was back in Harry's apartment. It wasn't Nick behind him. That thought couldn't last long though, Louis only managed to get a few moments of that peace.

"Where did you go, love?" Nick questioned with an innocent intrigue in his voice. There wasn't even a hint of worry, nor mistrust, but why would there be? Nick had no inkling of a clue that when Louis closed his eyes he was always seeing Harry.

_To Harry_ , Louis thought in response, but didn't say it. Instead he just forced a small smile to his face, shaking his head as a sign to say that it wasn't important.

Louis knew it was though. It was important because it was the one thing that was able to save their future together and yet ensure there was never a true chance for them at the same time.

* * *

 

"Louis, will you marry me?"

Louis closed his eyes. When he did he could almost pretend that it was Harry in front of him, his voice speaking the words which Louis had dreamed of so many times, so he nodded. "Yes."

And he had to open his eyes then, he saw the face of Nick. So familiar, so beautiful, but it wasn't who he wanted.

* * *

 

"Guess what!" Zayn said with a grin as he walked towards Harry.

"What?" He asked, choosing not to go through the waste of time guessing, since he more than likely wouldn't get it.

"Louis is getting married.”

Harry froze. There was a burning sensation in his eyes, and there was a wet feeling on his cheeks, but he was oblivious to the fact that he was even crying. "Louis is getting married," he repeated slowly.

Zayn had stared, completely shocked as Harry reacted to the words. It hadn't been what he expected, not at all.

Zayn had worried for a long time about Louis not truly being over Harry, but as of late he had unintentionally ignored the fact that Harry wasn't over Louis.

* * *

 

"Do you, Nick, accept this man as your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do," Nick responded, a wide grin on his face. His response had been so quick that Louis was surprised. He was so sure. Guilt welled within Louis.

Nick was offering Louis a life of unconditional love, a chance of happiness. All Louis could offer was the pretense of loving him.

"Do you, Louis, accept this man as your lawfully wedded husband?"

Louis closed his eyes. He pictured Harry across from him. Lovely, lovely Harry.

He wouldn't be in a simple black suit like Nick. Louis knew he would have added some sort of sparkle to it, some splash of color, because that's the type of person Harry was. Colorful.

And no matter how many times Louis had teased him about it, he loved it.

Louis could picture Harry in front of him. He could see what would be worn; he could see the smile that would be on the other's face. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't imagine Harry saying those words.

Because Harry wouldn't.

Harry had broken up with him for a reason. It was because he didn't love him. Harry would never marry someone if there was no love.

And Louis realized he couldn't pretend any more.

Louis's eyes finally opened, but still he said nothing. He saw the expectant look on Nick's face, the smile was still present, but Louis could see a certain look in his eyes, a growing uneasiness.

He turned away. His eyes went from Nick to all those they had invited to the wedding.

Liam, Zayn, Niall, his sisters, his parents and others that he vaguely recognized. They all seemed as sure as Nick that he was going to say those timeless words, I do.

He wished he could do it. When he caught sight of Harry though, every hope that he could go through with it had vanished.

Harry had been there all along. He hadn't just disappeared once their relationship ended. For every milestone, he had been there along with Louis's family, because Harry was family.

That was part of how Louis had been able to pretend for so long. Harry was always there, his face was always fresh in Louis's mind, and he was always so close.

Finally, Louis's eyes were on Nick again. He wished he could love him, he desperately wished it.

"I'm sorry," it was a quick mumble, but Nick caught it and understanding flashed in his eyes instantly.

"Louis," Nick began, but Louis didn't wait to hear the rest of it, he was already running.

He went past his family, past his friends, past Harry.

Behind him he heard footsteps. He knew it would be Zayn. Zayn was always the one to chase after Louis - just as Louis would do for him - but Louis didn't want to see even him, he couldn't see anyone, everything was too much for Louis.

There were only a few things Louis had ever been completely sure about in his life.

One, he was gay.

Two, Zayn was family.

Three, his mother loved him and his sisters, no matter what they had went through.

Four, he was completely in love with Harry Styles.

He had never questioned any of these things previously. There was no point, but he did now.

He questioned his love for Harry. He questioned why it wouldn't go away, why he couldn't let go.

Harry was not his first love, was not his first kiss, and was not his first date. The only first that Harry could truly claim was Louis's first time. He'd been more than happy to give the older man his virginity, but now he wondered if that had been his downfall.

He quickly dismissed that idea though. There was no way that was it. Their relationship had never been purely physical; it had been so much more than that.

Louis would never know what had caused his inability to let go of Harry. All he would know was how true his love was.

_I love you Harry_.

That was his only thought. He didn't know what he was doing, where he was going.

His surroundings vaguely registered to him. He was on top of a building. The place he and Harry had their first date. They'd broken onto a rooftop; it gave them a beautiful view and added a sense of danger.

Louis had loved it.

How fitting. The place he had truly come alive, where he began to fall in love, it was the place he would end as well.

"Louis!"

It was pure anguish and pain, but still, it was the one voice Louis had craved to hear again.

And at the last moment, Louis smiled. Air rushed around him, there was a harsh tugging sensation and then a thudding pain.

His eyes closed and Louis Tomlinson was lost from the world.

 


End file.
